The Success Prayer

From Linda Seger’s book, Spiritual Steps on the Road to Success

Chapter 3: Willing to Be Blessed – The Success Prayer

Before I started my business in 1981, I struggled with the “whys” about success. Why weren’t things going my way, in spite of preparation, experience, and willingness? I looked at all aspects of my life and even analyzed myself in case there were glaring faults within me or inappropriate behavior. I came to the conclusion that I didn’t dress funny. I was a reasonably nice person without any serious mental illness or character flaws. I had spent years studying drama-certainly I had something to contribute. Why, then, did success seem so far away?

It’s easy to believe the obstacles come from God’s side. We can blame God for our lack of success. If we’re prepared, is God withholding? Might it be we’re off-center? Perhaps  we’re not praying enough, or are forgetting to “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Maybe we’re seeking in the wrong direction.

But what if the obstacles are actually coming from our side? If God wants to bless us, and we’re not receiving blessings, might it be that we’re putting up the barriers, not God? Might it be that the real problem is our fear of success, or our horror at becoming the greedy types often associated with success, or our unwillingness to do what is necessary? Are we more afraid of success than we are of failure? Is it possible there’s something in our own attitudes that is getting in our way?

After many years of small, dead-end jobs, and no sense my career was taking off, I began to wonder if the problems came from me, and if I needed help in resolving these problems. I finally said a prayer I later called “The Success Prayer.”

God, I’m thinking I’m creating the obstacles.

If so, I pray you would help me do whatever is needed to remove them.

Recognizing this may take courage, I prayed for courage. Recognizing this may take help  from others, I prayed for help:

I’m willing to look at whatever is necessary within myself.

If I need courage to look at these barriers, then give me courage. If I need help, then send me help.

I’m willing to do whatever is necessary to break down the barriers between me and success.

If I need a therapist to help, then I pray you send me a good one (who’s also cheap!)

I recognized it may not be in God’s best interest to bless me if I lost touch with God. So I added a “Promise Prayer”:

God, considering my relationship with you for the past years has been one of getting by, of dealing with my anxiety, of praying you get me through one more day, I realize success will change our relationship.

If so, I promise I won’t desert you.

I will continue to pray, worship, and read the Bible.

I will have faith our relationship won’t be lost, but will change to something even better!

After fourteen years of my living on the edge, success came within a year. And the cheap therapist? I found an excellent psychology student at the Jung Center in Los Angeles who worked with me for several years on a sliding scale. She was cheap, but good. I was also doubly blessed with a career consultant who just happened to also write scripts and who was willing to trade services.

Are We Hearing the Call Clearly

An excerpt from Linda Seger’s book, Spiritual Steps on the Road to Success

How do we absolutely know we are following the calling of God? We probably can’t. “Some who have heard ‘the call’ may have gotten the wrong number or at least a bad cell-phone connection.” (This quotation is not attributed.)

How can we be sure we’ve received the call clearly? In his book Essays on the Quaker Vision of Gospel Order, Lloyd Lee Wilson discusses several different tests we can do to study the call and help ourselves discern if we’re on the right path.

Test the call by waiting first.

Wilson recommends we first quietly wait and not feel rushed: “The first thing to do…is nothing at all. One simply sits with the incipient leading, tasting it in the silence of one’s personal worship and devotional time, waiting to see whether it feels true and if so, how it will develop. This is a time to be, rather than to do: to be listening to the Divine voice, to be quiet in one’s worldly activities, to be ready to hear and obey.” (Footnote 8 here.) God is not in a rush. God is not frenetic. Meanwhile, the adversary to our call wants to get us in a tizzy, running in all sorts of different directions, wants us to be confused, and hopes we misinterpret the call. Waiting centers us. It gets us in tune with the Spirit and with the still waters rather than the rushing rapids.

The call will reinforce the gospel.

A call will not contradict the essential gospel message; “True leadings guide us in ways that are in harmony with the Spirit that gave forth the Scriptures and with the clear teaching of Christ,” says Wilson. (9) And he says a call will not contradict the paths we’ve taken before that have seemed in tune with the Spirit. “A true leading should feel like a continuation of other movements in our spiritual life that have proven to have been Spirit-led and Spirit-fed.” (10)

The call will express spiritual gifts.

A call will manifest and express the gifts of the Spirit – such as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control. (11)

A call would use our spiritual gifts. St. Paul lists a number of gifts we might have, such as the gift of wisdom, of healing, of prophecy, of discernment, (13) of teaching, and of service. (14 )

A call brings us into harmony with God, and brings us a sense of peace, release, relief, and clarity. Quakers sometimes use the words “to be at ease” with a decision. Others might describe it as being comfortable, or as a kind of knowing that feels solid.”

Our call can be discerned by others.

To test the call, some might turn for advice to spiritual people they trust, who they believe have a gift of discernment.

Many callings seem to prove they are right by the effectiveness of the work.

And sometimes we don’t know for sure. All we can do is to be obedient to what we discern our calling to be; and to move, step by step, along the path; and to keep listening to the Spirit, which may often be only a still small voice. We follow the light we have, hoping for a clear “yes” to continue, or a clear “no” to stop and turn in another direction. We try to commit to manifesting the Spirit in the world, knowing our steps and our work may still be flawed.”

Footnote 9: Wilson, p.185. (Wilson, Lloyd Lee, Essays on the Quaker Vision for Gospel Order, Philadelphia: Quaker Press, 1996.)

Footnote 10: Wilson, P. 186.

Footnote: 11: Galatians 5:22-24.

Footnote 13: 1 Corinthians 12.

Footnote 14: Romans 12.

The Theology of Blessing

From Linda Seger’s book, Spiritual Steps on the Road to Success

Chapter 3: Willing to Be Blessed – The Theology of Blessing

Blessing is a word of considerable power. The first chapter of Genesis tells the story of Creation. Again and again we are told, “…and God saw that it was good.” It is possible to argue that this is the unfallen condition of the world: that of living in a natural state of blessing. Blessing is to be given, and received: one does not bless without investing something of oneself into the receiver of one’s blessings. Can one truly receive blessing if one is ignorant of the gracious giver? If it is true that all creation flows from a single, loving source, then surely all of creation is blessed, and is itself a blessing.

The  power of blessings is “not the power of control or the power of being over or being under, but the power of fertility.” Blessing makes things bigger. It expands. It is a sign of blossoming, of great grace, of extravagance. It is an image of overflowing, of great pleasure, of great gifts-a banquet of abundance.” Many Bible verses about blessing use words like “flourishing,” or say that all our undertakings and labors are blessed, or speak about receiving peace and prosperity. There is a sense of overflowing and abundance.

Blessings are reciprocal. We bless others, we bless God, and, as the psalmist says, “May these reflections of mine give him [God] pleasure as much as Yahweh gives me!” We ask for blessings for us and for the next generation, and if we experience the blessings, we lose our sense of being deprived and our ever-widening empty spiral of acquisition. We  don’t have to get and get some more, because we are blessed, first and foremost, and it is the most basic of God’s gifts to us. It predates sin and it is what our relationship with God was meant to be.

The Old Testament scholar Walter Brueggemann says he sees blessing as “the capacity to transmit energy and power for life from one to another.” When God blessed creation, it became fruitful in Genesis 1. Human persons can give blessings as in Genesis 27. Brueggemann sees blessings as circular, “but not just ‘back again,’ but out beyond to others.” He says, “I think blessings move in concentric circles rather than a closed circle.”

The German theologian Claus Westermann says most blessings mentioned in the Bible involve salvation and deliverance, and are not just horizontal but also vertical.

If we believe blessings are just about getting good things, we have missed the boat. It is not enough to just get good things so we can become better consumers and be more respected and live a more comfortable life. Of course, we see plenty of evidence of people who seem to be blessed – with the things of the world – but since it is God who gives blessings that sustain us, if we’re closed to God, and not in a relationship with God, we’re missing the vertical part of the blessing – the part that goes far beyond having nice things. The vertical dimension includes the things of the Spirit that enter into the good things – a greater awareness of God’s love for us, of peace, fulfillment, empowerment to do good for others, and the multiplication of our gifts.

Blessing must be reciprocal.

Blessing is not just about entering into a more comfortable life on earth, but about entering into the Kingdom. Since the Kingdom is broad and wide and eternal, there are no boundaries to blessings. They are meant to keep rippling out, causing things to mature and grow and prosper and make everything bigger than it would be without the work of God.

If there isn’t an inner transformation within us as a result of the good that has come our way, we have only received the horizontal part of the blessing and missed the connection with the Holy Spirit. So, as we bless others, it also means “to invoke divine favor upon them.”

We may find it easy to think of blessing for ourselves as personal fulfillment. We may love the idea that the contributions we make bless others through building their self-esteem through our encouragement, helping them get a job by dropping their name or endorsing them, and thereby prospering them. But we are also asked to bless God. Blessing God may be a new thought. How do we bless God when God seems to have all the blessings He needs? How do we bless the Inner Spirit and the transcendent Spirit that binds our world together?

The Temptation to Struggle

From Linda Seger’s book, Spiritual Steps on the Road to Success

 Chapter 3: Willing to Be Blessed – The Temptation to Struggle

In First World developed countries, many believe we achieve success through hard work and through the hard climb to the top. We learn that “if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well!” And doing something well takes time and energy and work. We have heard the saying, “You can do it fast or do it well,” and we believe doing it well means a long time of struggle. We presume we’ll encounter difficulties and obstacles along the path to success.

So we prepare ourselves for the obstacles, and clench our teeth and gird up our loins and go, once more, into the breach. We believe success only comes as a result of scratches and bruises and falling down and getting up again.

We also tend to believe that if we work hard enough and long enough, the blessings of prosperity and a fair amount of wealth and respect will naturally follow-provided, of course, we’re willing to make the big effort. We tell ourselves, “I’m such a good person, I deserve success!” And we are shocked if things don’t go our way.

In the West, where I live, we’re told to “cowboy up” –  when you fall off the horse, you cowboy up and climb back on again. And we expect to “cowboy up” again and again and again.

Our temptation to struggle may actually be a hidden desire to prove our determination and self-worth. We believe: The harder the struggle, the better the result. If we show our struggle to the  world, the world can easily believe our task is, indeed, difficult, and our work is, indeed, important. The world admires our great perseverance and tremendous commitment to the goal. We become known as the one who never gives up, even when everyone else seems to have fallen by the wayside. When taken to the extreme, there can be an addiction to suffering, and a belief that success only comes from great struggle. Deep down, some of us, in a very subtle way, make take pride in our struggles and difficulties, and in the amount of time it takes to do well. There are some hidden pay-offs.

It is possible, for some, there’s an obstacle to success that lies with our temptation to struggle, rather than our willingness to be blessed.

Overcoming Lust – The Third of the Seven Deadly Sins

Overcoming Lust: The 3rd of the Seven Deadly Sins, by Linda Seger

We often think of lust as sexual desire, sometimes leading to uncontrollable sex with one person, sometimes the constant desire and need of many partners. Although lust or lechery is usually equated with the excessive desire for sex, it is sometimes considered to be an excessive desire for anything. It is sometimes humorously asked, “How much sex (or anything else) is enough?” The answer may be, “When sex becomes more important than the loved one you’re having it with.”

Some years ago, my husband, who is both a massage therapist and an acupuncturist, told me he had a massage client who came in for his weekly massage, totally depleted. He had been having an orgy for a week. Peter said he had never seen anyone so totally exhausted – to the point where Peter thought he might become permanently ill, or even die. Peter explained that this kind of lust damages the whole body as well as the mind and soul.

Lust is a distortion of a relationship. Rather than focusing on the other person, and being a giver, lust is a taker. It wants parts of the person, not the whole person. It wants to get pleasure, rather than to give mutual pleasure. It is more interested in seduction than honesty, more interested in strategy than in sharing.

In our professional lives, lust can work on many different levels, all of them harmful to at least one of the partners. In an unequal relationship, lust becomes the bargaining tool. Sometimes the bargain comes from the more powerful, as the boss wants to take more and more from the less powerful, often insisting on a sexual response in order for the other person to keep the job. Sometimes it’s the bargaining tool by the powerless who are willing to sell themselves, in one way or another, to get the job, the money, or the material possessions.

Whereas love-making respects boundaries, lust crosses boundaries. Whereas love-making is a part of life, lust becomes the whole of one’s vision. In our professional lives, this deadly sin becomes disruptive of our goals. It’s difficult to focus on the job when the heaving breasts or the tight T-shirt are taking all of our attention.

Like envy, lust confuses us. We think we want something, but it’s not at all what we want. It keeps us from our goal of a well-rounded life where our love life and our professional life can integrate with balance.

Many women lust after a Clint Eastwood type, even though they have nothing in common with a High Plains Drifter or the silent gunfighter type. Many men lust after the modern Marilyn Monroe, in any of the various forms, even though they would have nothing in common with her. Many fall in love with a certain “look”, although there is no possibility of a loving relationship between them and the tall, dark, handsome manipulator or the beautiful, voluptuous woman who has seduced them with good looks and sweet words, but with nothing else.

Lust consumes us, rather than frees us. It narrows our vistas, rather than expands them. And it diminishes the human being to the person’s parts rather than to their full complexity.

Naturally, all of us have probably experienced lust in our hearts and our loins, and the desire and attraction for another person is a normal reaction. The spiritual discipline which can often help overcome lust comes from changing lust to appreciation. My Jungian therapist pointed out to me that those things we want can help us recognize what we appreciate if we don’t give them power over us. When we find ourselves attracted to someone who is clearly inappropriate (perhaps because we’re married, perhaps because the person truly isn’t our type), we might ask ourselves: “What do I appreciate about this person?” We can then see that part of this attraction is a good thing. Usually the person is attractive, but there’s more to it than that. The person might also be fun, kind, smart, generous, and/or caring – all qualities that are worthy of being appreciated. If we tell ourselves, “This is normal, there are good qualities here”, lust usually doesn’t want to stick around, since it has lost its power over us.

My spiritual director once said, when I told her about a very good-looking man that I worked with: “Well, there’s nothing wrong with someone who is easy on the eyes.” I laughed – and realized that a way to overcome lust (although I didn’t lust after this guy – but recognized he was gorgeous!) was through a sense of humor. Love laughs. Lust tends to be very serious and desperate.

Usually we meet envy, greed, and lust when we’re climbing the ladder and trying to get to the top. Rather than freeing us, they confuse us. We lose our identities, and often lose our focus because we don’t know for sure what we want and why we want it. They put everything in the world’s terms, and make promises that when we get what we desire, all will be well. So we continue to climb the wrong ladder. We get lost on the wrong path. Lust is excessive desire that fills up our whole vision and makes it impossible to focus, integrate, and balance our lives.

Greed: Getting Up Close and Personal with Wicked Step-Sister of Envy

As women working in the world, we try to do well in our work, perhaps even making the world a little better because of our work. But I expect many of us have noticed there are resistances, struggles, negative forces that work against us. Sometimes I call this the “molasses” we have to get through. Christians call it Sin. Many people truly dislike that word, but we might be able to get some insights if we think about this idea briefly.

One definition of sin is missing the mark. Sometimes I think of it as entanglements, getting embroiled. Some people might call it negativity or toxicity or that irritation that gets inside of us and others that spills over and affects our whole lives. One of my friends says, “Don’t get none of that on ya!”

In March, on the Plaid for Women radio show, I talked about the Deadly Sin of Envy. In this blog, I want to discuss another of the Seven Deadly Sins, Covetousness, sometimes called greed, sometimes avarice. It’s a close sister to envy. Whereas envy can look upon what it desires from afar, covetousness comes closer. It’s next door. In Exodus, in the Hebrew Scriptures, the Ten Commandments say, “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.” This becomes very specific.

The covetousness that comes from wanting something from someone close to us – whether family or neighbor or friend or colleague – guarantees we cannot have an equal and supportive relationship with our neighbor. It leads to deceit and betrayal. On the one hand, we seek to establish good relationships with those closest to us. On the other hand, we are secretly desiring what they have, and wishing they didn’t have it and we had it instead. As one character says in the film When Harry Met Sally, “I want what she’s having.”

To get what we covet usually demands manipulation. Ego often comes to the forefront. Whereas envy often believes she’s not deserving of the desire and couldn’t possibly have it, covetousness believes if it can be next door, it can also be in our own backyard. If the neighbor has it, there’s no reason for us not to also have it. Whereas envy creates a pit in our stomach that desires to be filled, but doesn’t know how to fill it, covetousness feels it’s all within our grasp. It’s just a side yard away.

When we covet, we have to be two-faced. Our desire to have good relationships with those closest to us leads to words of support for others. Our desire to have what they’re having, leads to our words belying our actions.

Covetousness can be like a cancer of the eyes. Whereas envy resides in the gut, covetousness is in the eyes – noticing, watching, waiting, and peering. And it’s like a hole in the heart where the normal heart connections are no longer there. Our natural desires to connect with the neighbor are cut off. We forget what’s really important – working together in community is how we all get what we want. We forget our neighbor is often willing to help us – often by being willing to share their metaphoric oxen or servant. Instead we substitute competition for neighborliness.

There seem to be two emotions when we covet. On the one hand, we might feel hurt because someone who seems so like us has what we want and what we don’t seem to be able to get. On the other hand, we might feel almost sick about their success, even though we have to hide these feelings.

Whereas envy would like to grab, but usually can’t because it’s too far away, covetousness knows grabbing cannot be done directly. The action of covetousness is more like a weasel, analyzing the opportunities, looking for the way in, strategizing the moment when the desire can lead to action. When we covet, we never get any peace. When others covet what we have, we become overly-protective, not sharing anything.

Covetousness separates. When one covets another, it is impossible for those two people to relate as equals, or as supporters. It is impossible to have friendly relationships with someone who covets us, or who has the things we covet.

How can we break the cycle of coveting? Sometimes we can break the cycle by sharing with those who covet what we have. We can lend them our metaphoric oxen or help them out with the metaphoric tools of our trade (although hopefully we will not lend them our spouse!). We can let them know about the struggles we’ve gone through to achieve success. We can let them know their struggles are also struggles we’ve experienced and offer our support, insight, or compassion. We can help them on their journey to success, sharing the secrets we’ve learned to make the journey shorter. We can let them know about the hard work we’ve gone through, knowing many want everything now – and don’t understand the process.

True covetousness doesn’t want to go through the process leading to success. It simply wants to steal the results. The Greedy, Miserly, Gold-Holder or Gold-Digger needs to be defeated. Coveting does nothing to help us do good and do well, make a difference, and play well with others.